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【TOP 50】Ellen DeGeneres Quotes - WhatsApp Status | Page-1

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"I see those picketers, and I think you know, if I weren't a loving, non-violent, spiritual person, I would really go over there and grab those signs and smash them over their heads and shove them up their asses. But...I'm a loving, spiritual person."

Ellen DeGeneres

Yeah [I'm thirty-six], but on the show I'm thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year old woman, so they decided to make me thirty-two. Much more appealing somehow. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

Yeah [I'm thirty-six], but on the show I'm thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year old woman, so they decided to make me thirty-two. Much more appealing somehow.

Ellen DeGeneres

"I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. It must stand for: "Ohhh my God, you're thin."

Ellen DeGeneres

"I'm feeling so good. I feel like a million bucks. I'm focused, I'm alert, I'm zippy and top of my game.. I've never felt better! I'm sharp as a tack right now. And what's weird is that I didn't get a good nights sleep last night. And they say that's the most important thing..Or is it breakfast they said?..That's the most important meal of the day, breakfast...yes. And then it's 'i' before 'e' I know that..Um.. diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dog is a man's best friend.. What was I talking about?..Oh that's right, that I feel great and I'm at the top of my game. And it's odd because I didn't get hardly any sleep last night. And, they say that's the most important thing."

Ellen DeGeneres

Hello?..Oh, hi Tom. Ooh, I've been dying to see that movie...Mmm no, I just opened up some yogurt. I am in for the night....Not even later, it's the kind with the fruit on the bottom. Thanks anyway. Have fun.

Hello?..Oh, hi Tom. Ooh, I've been dying to see that movie...Mmm no, I just opened up some yogurt. I am in for the night....Not even later, it's the kind with the fruit on the bottom. Thanks anyway. Have fun." "Oh...Sorry I'm late...Traffic. Hm. Really? How you think I got here? Hellacoptered in?

Ellen DeGeneres

Dying

I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I'm gonna rip it off. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I'm gonna rip it off.

Ellen DeGeneres

American Comedian Approval Funny

Come on, if you don't win tonight it doesn't mean you're not a good person, it just means you're not a good actor. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

Come on, if you don't win tonight it doesn't mean you're not a good person, it just means you're not a good actor.

Ellen DeGeneres

I feel sorry for the newscasters you know? We can turn it off. But that's their job and they have to read these stories and they're just coming up on the teleprompter they don't know what's coming up. and they have to go through these change of emotions. That..

I feel sorry for the newscasters you know? We can turn it off. But that's their job and they have to read these stories and they're just coming up on the teleprompter they don't know what's coming up. and they have to go through these change of emotions. That.. "There were no survivors...And next Which candybar helps ya lose weight! Still to come! Is an asteroid headed towards earth...But first where to find the cheesiest pizza in town! Also, a disturbing study finds that studies are disturbing...

Ellen DeGeneres

I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.

Ellen DeGeneres

And we certainly don't have full conversations on cellphones. You know? Usually the reception is so bad, but it's only bad on your side. The person talking to you has no clue...They're just rambling on and on. You've got your finger jammed in your ear, you're shushing people on the streets. You're ducked behind a dumpster so you can hear about your friend's new hair cut. 'What about the bangs are they shorter?!?...Are the bangs shorter?!?...THE BAAANGS!!! - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

And we certainly don't have full conversations on cellphones. You know? Usually the reception is so bad, but it's only bad on your side. The person talking to you has no clue...They're just rambling on and on. You've got your finger jammed in your ear, you're shushing people on the streets. You're ducked behind a dumpster so you can hear about your friend's new hair cut. 'What about the bangs are they shorter?!?...Are the bangs shorter?!?...THE BAAANGS!!!

Ellen DeGeneres

I was in yoga the other day. I was in full lotus position. My chakras were all aligned. My mind is cleared of all clatter and I'm looking out of my third eye and everything that I'm supposed to be doing. It's amazing what comes up, when you sit in that silence. 'Mama keeps whites bright like the sunlight, Mama's got the magic of Clorox 2.' - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

I was in yoga the other day. I was in full lotus position. My chakras were all aligned. My mind is cleared of all clatter and I'm looking out of my third eye and everything that I'm supposed to be doing. It's amazing what comes up, when you sit in that silence. 'Mama keeps whites bright like the sunlight, Mama's got the magic of Clorox 2.'

Ellen DeGeneres

And we certainly don't have full conversations on cellphones. You know? Usually the reception is so bad, but it's only bad on your side. The person talking to you has no clue...They're just rambling on and on. You've got your finger jammed in your ear, you're shushing people on the streets. You're ducked behind a dumpster so you can hear about your friend's new hair cut. 'What about the bangs are they shorter?!?...Are the bangs shorter?!?...THE BAAANGS!!! - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

And we certainly don't have full conversations on cellphones. You know? Usually the reception is so bad, but it's only bad on your side. The person talking to you has no clue...They're just rambling on and on. You've got your finger jammed in your ear, you're shushing people on the streets. You're ducked behind a dumpster so you can hear about your friend's new hair cut. 'What about the bangs are they shorter?!?...Are the bangs shorter?!?...THE BAAANGS!!!

Ellen DeGeneres

Oh she tripped?....Nooo, she's running. I thought she tripped but she's running. She stopped running, she did trip. You tripped!!! - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

Oh she tripped?....Nooo, she's running. I thought she tripped but she's running. She stopped running, she did trip. You tripped!!!

Ellen DeGeneres

"I swear if Colgate comes out with one more type of toothepaste. I just want clean teeth that's all I want. I don't want the tartar and I don't want the cavaties. And I want white teeth. How come I have to choose? And then they have the 'Colgate Total' that supposedly has everything in there. I don't believe that for one second. If it's all in the one, how come they make all the others? Who's going: "I don't mind the tartar so much."?"

Ellen DeGeneres

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.

Ellen DeGeneres

its like picking your least favorite color of the rainbow - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

its like picking your least favorite color of the rainbow

Ellen DeGeneres

Anne wrote it for me and directed, so I was stuck with it, ... We always got along. It's almost gross, I tell you, when I think of how well we get along. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

Anne wrote it for me and directed, so I was stuck with it, ... We always got along. It's almost gross, I tell you, when I think of how well we get along.

Ellen DeGeneres

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

Ellen DeGeneres

American Comedian Funny

In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.

Ellen DeGeneres

American Comedian Beginning Funny

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.

Ellen DeGeneres

American Comedian Animals Funny

Just go up to somebody on the street and say

Just go up to somebody on the street and say "You're it!" and just run away.

Ellen DeGeneres

American Comedian Funny

I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I'm just like

I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I'm just like "shut up, shut up, shut up...blah blah blah blah blaaaaah.

Ellen DeGeneres

Mind

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.

Ellen DeGeneres

American Comedian Funny

"I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises."

Ellen DeGeneres

Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.

Ellen DeGeneres

American Comedian Eyes Funny

I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from... you heterosexuals. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from... you heterosexuals.

Ellen DeGeneres

American Comedian Funny

My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you're kidding?...Noooo...as funny as that is, I'm not - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you're kidding?...Noooo...as funny as that is, I'm not

Ellen DeGeneres

So, I bought a new cd and I was trying to get it open but couldn't with all the layers..I mean plastic and then tape and the tape is like government tape. It says open here..is that sarcasm?, and buy batteries and they are in there with layers and layers of cardboard and then scissors....you need scissors to get into scissors, what if you were buying them for the first time? you wouldnt be able to get them open. Then you try and buy a light bulb and it's this thin thin cardboard .....what are they thinking?

So, I bought a new cd and I was trying to get it open but couldn't with all the layers..I mean plastic and then tape and the tape is like government tape. It says open here..is that sarcasm?, and buy batteries and they are in there with layers and layers of cardboard and then scissors....you need scissors to get into scissors, what if you were buying them for the first time? you wouldnt be able to get them open. Then you try and buy a light bulb and it's this thin thin cardboard .....what are they thinking? "Ohh they'll be fine

Ellen DeGeneres

[Golden eagles have an interesting way of mating, where they connect in the air while flying at eighty miles an hour] and then they start dropping and they don't stop dropping until the act is completed. So it's not uncommon that they both fall all the way to the ground, hit the ground and both of them die. That's how committed they are to this. I thought to myself, 'Boy, don't we feel like wimps for stopping to answer the phone.' I don't know about you, but if I'm one of these two birds, you're getting close to the ground... I would serioulsy consider fakin' it. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

[Golden eagles have an interesting way of mating, where they connect in the air while flying at eighty miles an hour] and then they start dropping and they don't stop dropping until the act is completed. So it's not uncommon that they both fall all the way to the ground, hit the ground and both of them die. That's how committed they are to this. I thought to myself, 'Boy, don't we feel like wimps for stopping to answer the phone.' I don't know about you, but if I'm one of these two birds, you're getting close to the ground... I would serioulsy consider fakin' it.

Ellen DeGeneres

"Go to bed in your fireplace, you'll sleep like a log."

Ellen DeGeneres

Bed

Then you have these people in the movie theaters that talk the whole time during the movie. You ever go with somebody like that to a movie but you don't realize until you get there that you're with somebody like that? Brand new movie. First day it's open. You're there together and the entire time they're sitting there: "Where's she going?....Why'd he do that?....Is he mad at her?" "I don't know, let's watch and find out together shall we?" You know who you are...You're denying it right now: "I do not do that...Why is she saying that?....What's she gonna say next?

Ellen DeGeneres

I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.

Ellen DeGeneres

American Comedian Funny

The sixties were when hallucinogenic drugs were really, really big. And I don't think it's a coincidence that we had the type of shows we had then, like The Flying Nun. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

The sixties were when hallucinogenic drugs were really, really big. And I don't think it's a coincidence that we had the type of shows we had then, like The Flying Nun.

Ellen DeGeneres

Drugs

You know me. Any excuse to put on a dress. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

You know me. Any excuse to put on a dress.

Ellen DeGeneres

Dress

But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let's get our priorities straight. I think we all know what's really important in life ? winning an Oscar. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let's get our priorities straight. I think we all know what's really important in life ? winning an Oscar.

Ellen DeGeneres

I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves.

Ellen DeGeneres

American Comedian Childhood Funny

Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.

Ellen DeGeneres

American Comedian Funny Holidays

I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, ''Soup of the Day: Cream of Asparagus. Ellen DeGeneres.'' - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, ''Soup of the Day: Cream of Asparagus. Ellen DeGeneres.''

Ellen DeGeneres

"Here's the analogy. If my body were a car, I'd be thinking about trading it in around now. I would like to upgrade. I would be actually on the lot somewhere and some guy with a loud sports jacket would be sizing me up...kinda lookin' around goin--maybe kickin my knees. Looking behind me going: "That looks a little bashed in back there...Yeah. You mind if I check under the hood?" 'Well yes I do! Thank you very much."(talking about her body and the fact that she's aging.)

Ellen DeGeneres

Body

[My cat, Ethel, is an indoor cat] but somehow she's sneakin' out at night. 'Cause the other morning I found a stamp on her paw... I wouldn't have noticed myself, but I just bought this new black light and she passed right under it and I said, 'Hey, what's that on you paw? - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

[My cat, Ethel, is an indoor cat] but somehow she's sneakin' out at night. 'Cause the other morning I found a stamp on her paw... I wouldn't have noticed myself, but I just bought this new black light and she passed right under it and I said, 'Hey, what's that on you paw?

Ellen DeGeneres

Night

The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble.

Ellen DeGeneres

Space

I would say 'no'! It's such a thankless job. If you do great, nobody mentions it. If you don't, everyone complains. It's a lot of work. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

I would say 'no'! It's such a thankless job. If you do great, nobody mentions it. If you don't, everyone complains. It's a lot of work.

Ellen DeGeneres

Job

My aunt has lost everything, she has nothing. She grabbed four pictures out of her house. She's lost her entire life. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

My aunt has lost everything, she has nothing. She grabbed four pictures out of her house. She's lost her entire life.

Ellen DeGeneres

New Orleans is my hometown, and our thoughts and prayers go out to everyone affected. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

New Orleans is my hometown, and our thoughts and prayers go out to everyone affected.

Ellen DeGeneres

And be sure to look for me next month when I host the North Korean Peoples Choice Awards. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

And be sure to look for me next month when I host the North Korean Peoples Choice Awards.

Ellen DeGeneres

[Ã¢â¬Â¢ Ellen DeGeneres , who was praised for her graceful performance as host of the Emmy Awards that followed the Sept. 11 attacks, will be back this year (8 p.m. Sept. 18, Channels 12, 7).] You know me, ... Any excuse to put on a dress. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

[Ã¢â¬Â¢ Ellen DeGeneres , who was praised for her graceful performance as host of the Emmy Awards that followed the Sept. 11 attacks, will be back this year (8 p.m. Sept. 18, Channels 12, 7).] You know me, ... Any excuse to put on a dress.

Ellen DeGeneres

We've quit our agents, let go of our publicist. We're selling our house and leaving town. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

We've quit our agents, let go of our publicist. We're selling our house and leaving town.

Ellen DeGeneres

For me, it's that I contributed, ... That I'm on this planet doing some good and making people happy. That's to me the most important thing, that my hour of television is positive and upbeat and an antidote for all the negative stuff going on in life. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

For me, it's that I contributed, ... That I'm on this planet doing some good and making people happy. That's to me the most important thing, that my hour of television is positive and upbeat and an antidote for all the negative stuff going on in life.

Ellen DeGeneres

There are a million people who are refugees, ... Life goes on, and if it didn't impact you directly, you may not realize how devastating this is. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

There are a million people who are refugees, ... Life goes on, and if it didn't impact you directly, you may not realize how devastating this is.

Ellen DeGeneres

The first person I learned I could make happy with laughter was my mother, whom I idolize. It was a powerful thing to realize. I knew I had found my life's work. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

The first person I learned I could make happy with laughter was my mother, whom I idolize. It was a powerful thing to realize. I knew I had found my life's work.

Ellen DeGeneres

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